I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
