im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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