The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
