I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
