Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't notice because vodka
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
