Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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