I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
