I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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