Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
