The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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