As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The air taste purple.
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