the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
