Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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