Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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