After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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