i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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