So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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