I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
