in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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