Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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