So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
