I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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