I want to make a zoo with you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
