the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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