I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
