so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
