You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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