I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You made out with two different species that night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
