we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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