apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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