well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
