Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
