I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
