it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
