yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
