Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
