We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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