dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
