just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
