He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
