after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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