Will you blow on my dice?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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