me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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