I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
