addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
