Don't you send me to vm
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
