Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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