Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
