I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
