dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
