peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come share oat with me in your robe
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
