he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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