one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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