So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
