We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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