I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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