yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
