So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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