Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
