All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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