I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
