I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i think i just lost a toe
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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