Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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