and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
