i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she peed on how many people?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
