oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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