I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
