Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
